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Funny Things People Put on Their Resume
The ultimate goal of building a resume is to highlight your body of work in order to outsmart prospective candidates for the job you are seeking. However, it is regrettable, or should we say funny, when slip-ups happen in the final draft. CareerStint has compiled some of the very funny resume examples.
“My objective is to apply for a job at your company.”
Aiming a little too low, ain’t it? The next time we hope the applicant aimed higher with the objective of getting past the interview at least!
Being creative with your resume is welcome to recruiters, but be wary of crossing the line between being creative and outrageous. We understand when job seekers want their first impression to be a good one so as to stand out. In order to achieve that, you obviously don’t wish to stand out by writing a few funny lines. We still understand those careless typos and misspellings, but weird and wacky lines? Alas! You are shaping the wrong impression on exactly the wrong people!
So, it is true that people do include ridiculous things in their CV, some which are downright hysterical and draw a chuckle among recruiting managers. But why should only they have all the fun? Now, crack up every time you see this list of bloopers that people manage to include in their resume, some brilliant and the others, purely devastating!
Classic CV faux pas – ROFL guys!
If these are the kind of objectives that people take pains to write, why write them at all! We listed out a few examples of objectives that will earn an eye roll for sure.
✦ “Objection (oops!): To utilize my skills in sales.”
✦ “I am anxious to use my exiting skills.”
✦ “To hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.”
✦ To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
When you get limited space to highlight your work experience, you definitely want to cover all of it. But here some gaffes included by people who seemed oblivious and just didn’t care. Here are some out-of-the-ordinary examples.
✦ “Filing, billing, printing and coping.”
✦ “Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting.”
✦ “Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
✦ “Child care provider, organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.”
Now, coming to think of it, how hard is it to focus on the achievements section in the CV? Not at all! But some people haven’t spared this section too! Here are some funny mentions.
✦ “I came first in the school long distance race.”
✦ “National record for eating 23 pancakes in 2 minutes.”
✦ “Planned building of new building at £2.5 million over budget.”
✦ “Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.”
There are skills that are worth a mention on the resume, but some choose to be ‘creative’ here too. Time for another laugh riot!
✦ “Perfectionist with a keen I for details.”
✦ “Being bilingual in 3 languages.”
✦ “Very experienced with out-house computers.”
✦ Special Skills – “Speak English.”
✦ “I have technical skills that will take your breath away.”
✦ “I can type without looking at the keyboard.”
Hobbies make an instant connection with recruiters but here are some examples that can backfire on a resume. We wonder what might have ensued if these applicants were hired! Lol!
✦ “Enjoy cooking Chinese and Italians.”
✦ “Marital Arts” (perhaps meant martial arts?)
✦ “After work, skydiving, rock climing, bungee jumping, animation, RC airplanes”
✦ “Painting my toenails in varying colors.”
✦ ” Sleeping, etc., etc.”
✦ “I like to workout in my free time. I enjoy listening to music. I love to shopping in new places.”
✦ “Having a good time”
Well, well, these examples simply do the talking!
✦ “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”
✦ “Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.”
✦ “Work well as a team or one on one (wink, wink).”
✦ “I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise.”
RIDICULOUS RESUME QUOTATIONS – It couldn’t get any better!
✦ “Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.”
✦ “Served as assistant sore manager.”
✦ “Graduated in the top 66% of my class.”
✦ “I love dancing and throwing parties.”
✦ “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
✦ “I am a rabid typist.”
✦ “Worked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.”
✦ “Revolved customer problems and inquiries.”
✦ “Able to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.”
✦ “I often use a laptap.”
✦ “Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
✦ “Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.”
✦ “Excellent composer of song lyrics.”
✦ “Love, love, love doing body shots.”
✦ “I am sicking and entry-level position.”
✦ “Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
✦ “Spent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.”
✦ “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
✦ References: “Bill, Tom, Eric. But I don’t know their phone numbers.”
The last and the best: “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
There are tons of ways to make a favorable first impression, and as we have seen above, several ways to make you look bad. Get opinions from people before you ready the final draft of your resume. Don’t stand out for your weirdness; stand out for your excellence!